So the usual question people ask me is, "any baby yet?" or "When are you going to have that baby?" Really, I don't know the answer to that. Actually I do...SOMETIME this month; I think at the LATEST February 2nd? That is my guess at when they would induce me, unless they'd do it on the 31st. I'm going to request not on Superbowl Sunday, although that WOULD be something our child would do.
I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Sometimes I seriously CAN'T wait. My ciatica has been even worse with the baby getting even heavier. (actualy not worse, just more regular). I've been getting lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and the baby has learned how to kick super hard. It reminds me of the incredible hulk and when he rips through his clothes. Sometimes I feel like pretty soon that is going to happen with my skin. Hasn't yet, thank goodness. When all this is happening, I'm very ready to handle labor. Can't wait, in fact.
I also am very excited to meet our little baby! We will soon know if it's a little girl or a little boy! Lately I feel like we're having a girl. Most of this pregnancy I've thought it was a boy. Either way I'm super pumped. I'm excited to know how much of that personality from all the movement is like our baby. Last night was especially funny, it's like the baby had several candy bars; totally spazzing out.
Other times I am NOT READY to have this baby. I don't want to do it. I have no idea what to expect. I know I'll be able to do it, but it kindof reminds me of the "How I Met Your Mother" "Slapsgiving" episode when Barney kept expecting the slap and it was worse than just getting slapped. I know this is going to hurt BAD and all this anticipation is driving me nuts. I'm scared to be a Mom forever. Right now I am really excited but only want to do it for a little while. I feel a little committment-phobic. I'm going to miss sleeping in and just having selfish me-time. I know it's time to grow up and I can't wait, but letting go of the my way of life for the last 30 years is a little tricky. I'm excited for this growth and change in my life, but it's also a little scary. I do have a slight advantage with working as a nanny for the last 5 years, but even though I love all of those kids, I got to LEAVE at the end of the day for some refreshment and me-time. Not sure how I'll handle not having that regularly. I know it will be fully worth it. But then I wonder, "is that just something people tell you to be nice and they're really like 'ha ha, what a sucker'"?
I guess the best thing to do is to leave it in God's hands. He is in control and this baby will come at the right time for us. I'm also relying on Him to help us be the best parents we can be; I know I don't have to do it on my own and I have His help.
So as for WHEN...based on the 40 weeks, technically I'm due TOMORROW the 16th. Based on the midwives calculation I'm due Sunday, the 18th. (they did it more based on my cycle length and conception date) Based on what I think it's coming the 23rd. 23 is my favorite number and how cool would the birthday 1-23 be? Josh threw a new date into the whole mix; the 28th. He's so mean. Actually, he's trying to help, he says if I can focus on that day, it's bound to be sooner than that and then I won't be disappointed if it comes and goes. It makes sense, really. But personally right now I want the due date to be the 16th. That is tomorrow. That way I'll have the baby sooner. Does it work that way? Either way, we're both super excited, and a little nervous. I can't believe it's ACTUALLY going to happen one of these days. Instead of being so mad that it hasn't happened yet, one of these days it will actually be happening. That is pretty weird. It's kind of like Christmas, except you're not sure when it's going to happen. I'm like a little kid again and I don't know when Christmas is, and it doesn't occur to me to ASK anyone when it is, like, "HOW many more days?" I just know it's coming soon and one of these days everyone will say, "time for Christmas!" Except, do I still get a lot of presents? Wait, we just had Christmas. I think it's a little different. But you get the idea. HOPEFULLY I'll have news for everybody soon.
2 comments:
oh girlie, i had all the same feelings too...i think all new moms do, your not alone. i promise you it will all work out...its a life changing event, a new baby, it changes everything...your marriage, your schedule, you...but you know what, once you hold that little bundle of joy...all of that melts away and you never look back.
your gonna be a great mom...i knew you for a long time before distance and the years flew by...no worries, your gonna be great. :)hugs.
I love the "Slapsgiving" comparison! We love that show - thanks to you guys! Hang in there... I look forward to meeting the little kiddo.
Post a Comment