April 25, 2015
March 31, 2015
March 27, 2015
I had one of those moments at Walmart today that every parent dreads, yet when you're in the moment you think to yourself, "people say they have been there too, yet their kid isn't behaving THIS badly." Moments that usually make me avoid taking my kids to the store at all costs. But then you really need just like 5 things and you psych yourself up and think, "I can do this, it won't be that bad" but then it's worse. Yeah.
It's so bad that I can't really describe in words just how big this tantrum monster is. I've tried to describe it to people and I always fall short. I get it. I know probably every person in the store was probably thinking, "wow...my child never behaves THAT BADLY." I did get a few sympathetic glances that were the "hang in there, I really HAVE been there" kind of look.
I feel judged constantly by thinking and sometimes saying out loud the types of things it makes me respond with. I'm just trying to survive here. My survival mode is usually a bit extreme, usually some sort of inappropriate emotional response. I feel EVERY DAY like I am screwing up as a parent. I feel like no matter what I do, which way I go it will somehow be the wrong choice. I also feel like if I work my hardest and am the best Mom ever, it is very short lived and 5 minutes later they are back to giving me death looks or screaming at me or even punching me.
Often I try and do "the right thing" but what even is that? I read countless parenting books, blogs, you name it. Often they make me feel worse that I can never measure up.
When my daughter has her tantrums...there are several ways I COULD respond. I could do the "ignore it" tactic. This would almost 100 percent of the time result in some sort of horrible injury.
So why is it so hard? I cried the entire way home from the store. She even asked me why I was crying. Like she had no idea. Really?
I know these self-degrading thoughts are from the enemy. I know they are LIES. But I still battle them every day. I know thoughts like the ones I had today are definitely from the enemy. They sure aren't biblical.
I think the only thing I can do is not let him win.
You know what WAS from God? Right in the midst of this tantrum when I thought I was at my breaking point my good friend Heather showed up to say hi, give me a hug and temporarily distract Gabby. So really...in the midst of a terrible storm God sent me a rainbow. And it was just enough encouragement to get me through until the next storm hits. (Which sadly will probably happen within the hour; because she is fighting sleep.)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm CHOOSING to see the good in this situation, instead of dwelling on the bad.
February 5, 2013
August 17, 2012
Anyway, so much is going on I wanted to capture it all before it escapes my brain.
1. We bought a house. For the first time. We are a little big overwhelmed, but mostly a LOT of excited.
2. We get to move in to this house in 9 days!
3. We continue to feel the benefits of living closer to family with all our travelling to see them. Josh and I figured out the other day that if we added up all the drive time to all the various places we've been, would it be MORE or LESS travel than what we would have done before we moved? I think it's actually been more by this point, but you can't put a price on how OFTEN we get to see them now. Before it was only a couple times a year, now it seems rare when we're actually here for the weekend. We love it, though. We love getting to be able to just go visit for the weekend and not have to take time off of work, and then drive for 12 hours one way (hundreds of dollars later on gas, tolls and food).
I think it's mostly the little things I'm the most excited for about buying a house.
*Feeling settled. I've been pretty unsettled for a year now.
*Having more than 3 bowls for a family of four. (the rest are in storage.)
*Having my summer clothes. Yup, storage. It was a hot one here, too. I have no shortage of long-sleeved shirts and sweaters here.
*Having a dishwasher. Can't wait. It's been rough doing all my dishes by hand. (Quite frequently especially since we only have 3 bowls, one being a kids bowl.)
*Putting child locks on EVERYTHING. Seriously. We don't have them here. I didn't feel like installing them for just a few months, which turned into 8 months....of having Gabby open and empty every cupboard, drawer on her level. And then having to add all the contents to my "to put away" list. Our new place is going on lock-down. Gabby is going to be so mad.
*Getting our entertainment center back. Seriously? Have you noticed in any pictures the thing we have rigged up right now? The table with the baby gate around it with the tv, AND the computer on top and everything underneath?
*2 words: Kitchen-aid Mixer. Mine's in storage. It's been rough without it. I miss it so much. I've had to even mix a few batches of cookies BY HAND. (No, I don't have a hand mixer, even.)
*Brooke and Gabby will have the rest of their clothes back. I thought I packed them all, but I did keep their seasonal clothes in storage, too. Luckily, this forced me into learning to sew them new ones, for which I am grateful.
*Privacy. I'm excited to not lived attached to anyone, even though we have the sweetest neighbor in the world right now...I'm just ready to live in our own place. For their sake, too...I no longer have to worry about my kids being too loud and it annoying our neighbors. Now it will ONLY annoy Josh and I.
*Also on the privacy note...Gabby will finally have her own room. She's been in our room her whole life so far. I'm ready to be able to put my laundry away, or take my own nap or just be in my room without worrying that I'll wake her up. Also for Josh and I to have our own space.
*Oh, and there's things like building equity, the tax break for buying a house....all that sweet stuff that comes with buying a house.