Getting Ready for Christmas

Yeah, I know these are old. I had good intentions of posting them earlier before Brooklynn got sick...but they were so cute I had to still post them.

Brooklynn was very excited to help Mommy with Christmas cookies this year. I really look forward to the years to come when she's big enough to help even more.

4-Year Anniversary

Happy Anniversary, Josh! I love you more every day. I am so blessed that you are my husband.

Croup

Brooklynn has Croup. It really sucks. I know Croup sucks, I had no idea how much it sucked. I knew it was hard to breathe, and the waking up with the Croup spells where you have to take them in the bathroom with the hot shower running...what I didn't expect was for Brooke to start coughing and crying and then start gagging/choking/barfing her phlem. The first time I was in such a panic it shot me out of bed and I've been awake ever since...wide awake, too. Anyone who knows me knows that I am simply NOT a morning person. So you know it's bad. She sortof had these whole body convulsions that reminded me of a cat when it's couging up a fur ball. I've never seen a human do that. So it was pretty weird. She kept falling back asleep, but kept coughing/waking up. It's been rough. Not even the lack of sleep part. I'm handling that pretty well. It's more the heart-wrenching ache of not knowing what to do and feeling completely helpless for your poor baby. It sucks.
So Brooke hasn't even really been sick before. She's had a couple of minor runny noses, but they didn't last long and the were pretty much gone the next day. So we jump right into the world of sickness with CROUP? Are you kidding me?
So we're driving to Indiana today for Christmas. And my daughter has Croup. And I have no idea how she's going to do in the car. We can't plug our humidifier in the car so that is out. Luckily another option is the cold air outside which thankfully...it's cold out. And of course the Doctor told me to have her drink lots of fluids...which since Brooke quit nursing cold turkey isn't the easiest thing to do. She's barely been having any wet diapers, and for Brooke is a scary thing. I usually change her 8 times a day, like clockwork. So many of her diapers are bone dry, and I'm not even changing her that much. She might have had 2 or 3 wet diapers yesterday? It's scary. I'm going to try not even really giving her any solids so that when she's hungry I can just give her more fluids.
On a positive note; travel time MIGHT be easier because I can give her a cup while we're driving and not have to stop as long to nurse. Also, her nursing strike might, just might be linked to this Croup and not just because she's done. And, today Brooke is 11 months old! It's so sad that she is sick. I'm really hoping and praying that this is over soon. Maybe even in time for Christmas? Fingers crossed...

Reality Bites (sometimes literally)

So I'm pretty close to having a breakdown. Please pray for me.
This past Thursday when I finally had some uninterrupted time to work on organizing our apartment, I developed severe stomach cramps, so bad I had to just lay in bed and not do anything. It is Monday morning and still hurting. I'm pretty sure it's really bad gas pains, but really, when will that let up? I'm kinda done. I have IBS which for me gets much worse with stress. Basically, you know how your neck gets really tense and tight when you're stressed? That happens to my intestines. Yeah, it's real glorious. I love it. I basically try and stay stress-free but it is impossible for me to stay stress-free with an apartment so messy that it's hard to walk through it. So my stomach continues to give me horrible pain, it's hard to walk and sleep sometimes.
Also, yesterday at 3 pm was the last time Brooke has nursed. She woke up at about 5 pm from her nap and has been super cranky ever since. I can't get her to calm down, I can't get her to nurse, every time she gets calmed down and close she reacts like I am trying to feed her poison and she FREAKS out. I can't tell if she is just having a temper tantrum or if she is in pain or what. Part of me is concerned that she has whatever horrible stomach pain I have and she is just miserable. So that of course makes me even more stressed. Mostly I think she is just having really bad teething pain. She keeps putting her fingers in her mouth and whining. This is her 6th tooth she is getting, though, and she has not been nearly this fussy for the rest of them. So last night before bed she never nursed, early on all she would do was bite me. Then she would get close to me and seemed like even that would be too painful. She would get close and freak out. She woke up a few times and would just go through the drama and tantrum all over again and still not nurse. I can tell she's hungry and just won't go near me with every ounce of fight she has in her. It's been rough.
Last night I went to lie down in bed and with my stomach cramps getting me and now I was completely engorged so that hurt. I was emotionally hurt because I feel like a bad Mommy because I have no idea what to do for my baby. I couldn't find my pump to relieve some of the pressure. I woke up and at 5 am Josh went out and luckilly found my pump, yay! I was so relieved because my shirt was soaking wet, the bed was completely wet. I finally got some relief and since Brooke still won't take a bottle we tried an adult cup with some success! And then her sippy cup. She maybe drank a couple of ounces, which was very helpful. I thought maybe she was overtired and would wake up cured and would nurse...nope. Same thing. She drank all three ounces from her sippy cup, though. (Well, what she didn't spit out or dump out...but that is better than usual.)
I've also thought maybe she is trying to wean herself....or should I say quit cold turkey. I would be very sad if this drama is our last breastfeeding experience. I'm hoping it's just the teething.
Oh, also my car is in the shop because my check engine light is on. I'm hoping it's something very minor....we cannot afford anything right now. I'm trying not to be a total pessimist and think along the lines of, "Well, based on my day it will probably be really expensive." I can't really help it, though. Do you blame me?
Well, since Brooke is finally asleep I'm going to attempt to organize/clean stuff to work on getting de-stressed.

Milk...and Cookies, of Course!

So the battle with giving Brooklynn some type of bottle or sippy cup continues. I swore off buying a 9th type of bottle to try long ago but finally broke down and bought a Dr. Brown's last night. I thought maybe since Brooklynn's cousin Andrew took that kind maybe she would like it, too. I have stopped nursing Brooke cold turkey on my right side until my cut heals. I have a milk blister and because of that I also have a pretty deep sore which the combination is brutally painful. Just thinking about having to nurse Brooke on it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. So, I decided just to use my left side and to pump the right. (Way less painful.) The downside is that Brooke still won't take the milk. She has been liking her sippy cup, but only with water. I put some breastmilk in it this morning and she tasted it and then spit it out all over her. The bottle didn't really work, either. I think we worked on it for a few hours last night and she might have gotten 1/2 an ounce out of it.

Last night was rough because Brooke couldn't figure out why she was still hungry, I'm sure. But every time she nurses on that side she opens up the wound again and makes it worse. I'm thinking because of the blister not all the milk is coming out? so she sucks even harder.

Sorry to be so graphic for any guys reading this.

ANYWAY....the funny part of the story. This morning when I was pumping Brooklynn found the pack of Oreos that Josh left on the couch and literally opened it all by herself, took out a cookie and started to eat it with the biggest smile on her face. It was hilarious. I just let her because I was so impressed, and figured she deserved it if she was that skilled to get it in the first place. Yes, it was 7:30 am, but still. It was almost like she was saying, "MOM, you know I don't like to drink milk in a cup...UNLESS I have an oreo to go with it." I can't blame her. Good for you, Brooklynn.

(In case you're wondering why my poor daughter is topless, she kept spitting her milk ALL over her shirt and it was completely soaked. It's actually still wet 3 hours later.)

My Little Princess

Brooklynn was so cute on Sunday in one of her several Christmas-y outfits from her cousins.

Thanksgiving 2009