December 21, 2009

Reality Bites (sometimes literally)

So I'm pretty close to having a breakdown. Please pray for me.
This past Thursday when I finally had some uninterrupted time to work on organizing our apartment, I developed severe stomach cramps, so bad I had to just lay in bed and not do anything. It is Monday morning and still hurting. I'm pretty sure it's really bad gas pains, but really, when will that let up? I'm kinda done. I have IBS which for me gets much worse with stress. Basically, you know how your neck gets really tense and tight when you're stressed? That happens to my intestines. Yeah, it's real glorious. I love it. I basically try and stay stress-free but it is impossible for me to stay stress-free with an apartment so messy that it's hard to walk through it. So my stomach continues to give me horrible pain, it's hard to walk and sleep sometimes.
Also, yesterday at 3 pm was the last time Brooke has nursed. She woke up at about 5 pm from her nap and has been super cranky ever since. I can't get her to calm down, I can't get her to nurse, every time she gets calmed down and close she reacts like I am trying to feed her poison and she FREAKS out. I can't tell if she is just having a temper tantrum or if she is in pain or what. Part of me is concerned that she has whatever horrible stomach pain I have and she is just miserable. So that of course makes me even more stressed. Mostly I think she is just having really bad teething pain. She keeps putting her fingers in her mouth and whining. This is her 6th tooth she is getting, though, and she has not been nearly this fussy for the rest of them. So last night before bed she never nursed, early on all she would do was bite me. Then she would get close to me and seemed like even that would be too painful. She would get close and freak out. She woke up a few times and would just go through the drama and tantrum all over again and still not nurse. I can tell she's hungry and just won't go near me with every ounce of fight she has in her. It's been rough.
Last night I went to lie down in bed and with my stomach cramps getting me and now I was completely engorged so that hurt. I was emotionally hurt because I feel like a bad Mommy because I have no idea what to do for my baby. I couldn't find my pump to relieve some of the pressure. I woke up and at 5 am Josh went out and luckilly found my pump, yay! I was so relieved because my shirt was soaking wet, the bed was completely wet. I finally got some relief and since Brooke still won't take a bottle we tried an adult cup with some success! And then her sippy cup. She maybe drank a couple of ounces, which was very helpful. I thought maybe she was overtired and would wake up cured and would nurse...nope. Same thing. She drank all three ounces from her sippy cup, though. (Well, what she didn't spit out or dump out...but that is better than usual.)
I've also thought maybe she is trying to wean herself....or should I say quit cold turkey. I would be very sad if this drama is our last breastfeeding experience. I'm hoping it's just the teething.
Oh, also my car is in the shop because my check engine light is on. I'm hoping it's something very minor....we cannot afford anything right now. I'm trying not to be a total pessimist and think along the lines of, "Well, based on my day it will probably be really expensive." I can't really help it, though. Do you blame me?
Well, since Brooke is finally asleep I'm going to attempt to organize/clean stuff to work on getting de-stressed.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love you babe. Today will be better.

Andrea said...

sounds like an ear infection. Love, Dr. Andi

momma2miracles said...

hugs............it will be ok

Bethany said...

It was Croup. Sigh.
Also, an update on the car, it was only $50, so not bad. I needed an oil change and apparently my gas cap wasn't on all the way.