Feeling It

So my whole pregnancy I've been dreading my labor for one reason in particular: Being away from Brooklynn. I think the longest I've ever been away from her is 8 hours and it wasn't even overnight. She did great...but I was worried the whole time. My labor WITH Brooklynn was 40 hours, then I had to stay in the hospital for 2 nights and 3 days. I'm so not ready. People keep telling me that I will most likely get to stay in the Birth Center (where they let you go home and do a home visit and calls to check your vitals, etc.) and also that my labor won't be as long or as hard. "Oh, it will be SO much easier this time!" That is what everyone keeps saying. Yeah? What if they're wrong? No one told me ahead of time how hard it was going to be with Brooklynn. Everyone kept saying, "Oh, you'll do GREAT", "It HURTS but you'll get through it, it's not THAT bad." So I'm thinking everyone is pulling my chain again this time, again.
Sadly, after the 2 days I've had with Brooklynn...I now CAN'T WAIT for the break. And I kind of wish I did get to stay in the hospital a few nights because it will seem like a luxury vacation. Don't get me wrong, I know I will miss her to death and it will be hard for me. But right now, today....I'm so done. I'm thinking about pretending I'm in labor early just so people will take her off my hands for a few days.
I think it could mostly be the hormones. Pregnancy messes with your brain in so many ways. I'm also thinking it could just be me dealing with how I'm going to be away from her. I could just be OUT of energy.
I literally felt like my head might explode yesterday. From the stress.
Let me start at the beginning:
Yes, I love my child. She is adorable, and most of the time, an ANGEL. But she drives me bonkers sometimes.
We woke up in the morning, I went in to get her and there were hard poop pellets all over her sheets. All over. Thank goodness they were hard. I basically grabbed a wipe and just picked them up and then it was basically cleaned up. I went to change her diaper, and it was just wet. NO poop in sight. That means she had pulled every single one of them out of her diaper. (Oh, and don't worry....her diaper managed to still be ON her little bottom, with her pajamas on, too! I've yelled at her enough to keep her diaper on that I think she is learning. But I also think she is fighting back.)
I told her how gross this was, and how she is NOT allowed to reach into her diaper. (Our on-going problem she has yet to listen.) And she is REALLY not supposed to touch her poop. I explained that not only is it gross, but she could get sick from doing this.
So then we went on with our day. Cece was over and we played, Brooklynn loves it when Cece is here.
Then after her nap (same day!) I went in to get her and this time her poop was more mushy. And EVERYWHERE. Her outfit was still on (she managed to keep her diaper on, too.) but COVERED in poop. She looked like I gave her several pieces of chocolate, and we all know how messy she is when that happens.
It was all over her sheets. All over the wall. Her pillow pet. Her pillow case. Her actual PILLOW. Her brand-new quilt from her birthday. And it doesn't stop there. She had gotten up, gotten the wipes container, (so there was poop on the changing table, too) and brought it into her bed. The wipes were emptied all over her bed, and the container was completely covered, INSIDE and OUT with poop, too. This container has re-usable wipes in it so they are basically washcloths (I keep the wet wipes out of her reach because she empties them EVERY time I keep them where she can reach them.) and every single one of those wipes had poop on it. At least I think she was attempting to help clean up. So I put her immediately in the bathtub, stripped her down, sprayed her off, then TRIED to get the stench off. We had to give her a second bath later. Then I put her videos on and tackled her room. Stripped the bed, got a bucket of water with some Clorox clean-up (love that stuff!) and started scrubbing. It took me an HOUR to do all this. I'm still doing laundry today.
So yeah, GROSS. So last night we made her sleep in her crib again. She woke up several times crying. Poor thing. I'm hoping to have the rest of the sheets and blankets done by tonight and put back together.
So, I thought she had learned her lesson...at least partially. Today she dumped all her toys out everywhere, then ran behind the couch while I was distracted cleaning up. And she came back over not even 5 minutes later smelling like poop. And then I see her shirt has poop all over it, and so do her hands. It wasn't nearly as bad as yesterday, but REALLY? AGAIN??!? So I put her in the bathtub and sprayed her off, changed her clothes and then had to find where the rest of the poop was. It was under her chair, on the carpet, on her seat and on the walls. Really? Again I had to clean up poop. I'm so sick of it. I want to just make her stay in the bathroom all day.
Needless to say, I'm ready to have a break....even if I'm in agonizing labor. It will still feel relaxing to me.
And then I'm sure I will be so ready to see her again because I will miss her so much.